We just passed our 100th day of my service to Sweetness. In the scope of things it is a very brief time, but it has been long enough to show commitment and see results. Even though a lot of house cleaning has been accomplished and many tasks have become routine, we still battle with our roles.
From my perspective, I am to do what I have agreed to on my task list. Most of the time this is no problem. There are times, however, when I feel less appreciated or minimally controlled that I let things slide. This is partially a rebellion to Sweetness not being strict enough with how or when I complete my tasks. For example, I will look at items on the counter that should not be there and think “they need to go somewhere but I don’t know what to do with them. I’ll do nothing, Sweetness will most likely not comment on it.” She doesn’t comment, then I feel like she really doesn’t care if it is done and I let more things slide.
From Sweetness’s perspective, I have told her I want to serve her and agree to undertake a set list of tasks. If I serve her and love her these things should be done without her need to remind me or punish me if they are not completed or completed poorly. Seeing a lapse in effort from me Sweetness begins a rebellion against having to make me do what I said I would do. She feels she should not have to tell me to do the items I said I would do for her and she should not have to punish me because I should have done what I said I would do.
Looking at both sides, each rebelling against what they have to do, clearly outlines the downward spiral of the initial commitment. The more one resists doing their job, the more the other wants to resist for them not doing their job, and so on and so on.
I will be the first to say I understand Sweetness’s position and agree with her completely. It is very painful to me that I cannot live up to regularly completing the simple tasks I promised her. I struggle with that almost daily as she expects I should live up to my word. The problem is that my word is partially based on my ability to do household chores and more precisely, identifying and correcting out of place items (clutter). I am fighting a life-long habit of ignoring clutter and living with it. As much as I want to serve Sweetness completely and do what I agreed to, I find it difficult to overcome the life-long habit of living with clutter.
When we started our journey into female dominance, I told Sweetness that I would need help. I would need her to correct me and keep me on track. Being less inclined to discipline me, her mind reverts back to the ‘I shouldn’t have to correct him’ mentality. She reinforces this with the fact that giving her the dominant power was my idea.
So, we struggle. I struggle with undoing a lifetime of bad habits and serving Sweetness completely and she struggles with being placed in the dominant position and having to keep me in line. I love her and serve her and enjoy putting her needs first. I have given her permission to control me as she sees fit and correct any actions she is not please with. I do this based on our trust over our 30 year relationship.