Our juggernaut is that I do what is on my fD task list (female dominant) and other items Sweetness instructs me to do, Sweetness feels she should not have to tell me to do tasks more than once and she should not have to punish me as I gave her my word I would do them. The problem is that my word is partially based on my ability to do household chores. This includes identifying and correcting out of place items (clutter), where I am fighting a life-long clutter habit.

The revelation all came to light in a recent conversation that utilized the cleaning and organizing (or lack thereof) of the kitchen desk. Cleaning the desk has been used as a punishment for me the past three months and also when Sweetness feels its condition has not progressed. I cannot remember a time this desk was clear enough to be used for its intended purpose.

The desk is not on my fD task list so if I am not told to spend time cleaning it, I do not do it. I have spent hours on this project and it is still not done. I am currently to the point of sorting and filing bills and paperwork that were piled up there. Sweetness feels I know her position, the desk should be clear. So she does not say anything… until last night.

I was looking for comfort in having Sweetness tell me how she enjoyed having me do all these things for her (and how wonderful I was) and it turned into her resenting having to tell me to do tasks she thought I should be doing. The desk came up. Ultimately, with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice, she said “Fine, don’t worry about the desk. When I want it done I’ll have you stick a butt plug in your ass and make you clean it.”

I loved how she made this decree but I hated that I had brought her to emotional tears. It goes against everything I want to do for her. Not wanting to add to the irritation, I refrained from saying more. We had been lying in bed and Sweetness still needed her nightly foot massage. I quietly got up for lotion and assumed my position over her feet and began to massage. It was my non-verbal way of yielding to her and reconfirming my devotion to serving her.

I love Sweetness and trust her actions are for the benefit of our relationship and our home. I strive to live up to my promises and hope Sweetness has the fortitude to govern me successfully.strip_1719

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