Sweetness returned from her trip. I had one orgasm earned and banked for her discretion and a second potentially a few days away. It had been 17 days since my last release and I was fucking her hard from behind as she requested. Being only the third time I penetrated her since her return, I should have been more careful in retrospect. I wanted to satisfy her, which drives me to continue pumping, but I also foolishly underestimate how much difficulty I have in reigning it in.
After that last smack up against her ass cheeks and a slight groan from her, I felt a quick build of the urge to release. I stopped cold. I know the sensation of withdrawing would be more than enough to put me over the top. My cock was pulsing with the need to unload. “You’re not cuming are you?” she asked incredulously. At the same moment, my heart sank as I lost the battle and filled her with 17 days of abstinence. I didn’t answer her question. I was utterly disappointed in myself for fucking up. “I smell cum. You did cum, didn’t you?” That was too much for me to ignore. “What, you can smell my cum?” I didn’t see how as it was at least six inches inside her body… mostly. “Uh yeah, I can, and it smells like you did.” “I’m sorry Sweetness. I let you down.”
In one motion she pulled off me, rolled over and spread her legs. “We get down there and clean it off me.” I did as instructed. There was a glob on her thigh and some smeared on the folds of her lips. I knew there was a lot more but it was probably well inside her as I was fully inserted and not moving during my release. I fantasize about her kneeling over me and letting my cum drain out of her as she tells me to open my mouth and eat it all up. This seemed like the time it would happen but it did not. She got up and left for the bathroom, leaving me there to contemplate my disobedience.
Returning, she only sat on the edge of the bed. “That was disappointing. I was looking forward to getting up to two earned orgasms so I could make you cum back to back.” “I know Sweetness. I feel very bad. “Well, yeah, you have now used the one you had earned and you owe me one as a penalty. As I still want to command you to a back to back orgasm, you will not be cumming until you can earn two more… plus one for a penalty.
I hate not being able to control myself like that. I evaluate myself after these mishaps and they have been becoming more infrequent but that doesn’t help much at the moment. I was feeling I was getting nowhere with my control for Sweetness when I started writing. I have since sifted through my spreadsheet that I record things of this nature on ( J ) and compiled the data. I feel better now and not a complete deviant.
In 2017 when we were only loosely practicing authorized orgasms, I had 12 infractions. The average number of times that I came since the previous unauthorized orgasm was 6.8 times. The average number of days it had been since my last release of any kind was 4.3 days.
In 2018 I am up to 13 infractions already – but I can tell you I don’t get away with anything now. The average number of times that I came since the previous unauthorized orgasm was 1.2 times. The average number of days it had been since my last release of any kind was 12.1 days.
So year over year, I’ve been cumming a lot less (but more of them are loss of control) and I lose control much further from the last release. In fact, the 4.3 day average between my last orgasm and my unauthorized accident in 2017 is almost laughable now.
I started this entry looking for help… which I’m still open to but I think I have created a tracking system that can show my improvement and give us both hope.